These words are transcribed without permission the way they appear in the "My Early Burglary Years" album. Additions to the printed lyrics are in darker text while omissions are striken out.

Nine times fined
but never mind
things can only improve
we are just stood here ¹
waiting for the next great wound
and we just can't wait
to make more mistakes
and to fluff our breaks ²
and to stuff our faces with cake ²
All in all: imagine this ³
Nobody loves us
dab hands at Trouble
with four days of stubble, we are
So never loosen the grip on our hands ⁴
call us home, kiss our cheeks ^5,6
nobody loves us
So we, oh we tend to please ourselves
Please People think all we do
is lie around and think of how ⁷
rich we'd be if we didn't think ⁸
things life could improve ⁹
and we just can't wait
to make more mistakes
and we just can't wait ¹⁰
'til the whole thing blows up ¹⁰
In our face ¹⁰
Call us home, kiss our cheeks ⁵
nobody loves us
dab hands at Trouble
with four days of stubble, we are
So never loosen the grip on our hands
call us home, make our tea ⁵
nobody loves us
So we, oh we tend to please ourselves
Call us home, tuck us in ^5,11
nobody wants us
dreamers and schemers all pie-eyed ¹²
and bog-eyed and cross-eyed ¹²
never loosen the grip on our hands
whack us, then ¹³
- hug us hard ¹³
nobody loves us
So we, oh we tend to please ourselves ¹⁴
And we just can't stress
how more of a mess
and complete distress
won't make much difference to us
Sing us our favorite song ¹⁵
nobody loves us
born-again atheists
practicing trouble-makers
make us our favorite jam ¹⁶
nobody loves us
useless and shiftless and job-less
but we're all yours. ¹⁷

 

² In early acoustic versions of this song recorded during the Miraval sessions for the "Southpaw Grammar" album Morrissey sang "And we just can't wait til the whole thing blows up in our face".

³ In early acoustic versions of this song recorded during the Miraval sessions for the "Southpaw Grammar" album Morrissey sang "Call us home, make our tea".

⁴ This correction doesn't apply to live performances of the song and to some of its demos.

⁵ On the 1995 dates promoting the "Southpaw Grammar" album, Morrissey often messed these "Call us home" lines, by following those words by "..tuck us in" or "miss our cheeks" instead of "kiss our cheeks", "tuck us in" instead of "make our tea", or vice versa, etc. From one night to the next, those changes were rarely the same and seemed improvised. He also did this on the 1997 Maladjusted tour, but not as much.

⁶ In early acoustic versions of this song recorded during the Miraval sessions for the "Southpaw Grammar" album Morrissey sang "All in all, imagine this".

⁷ In early acoustic versions of this song recorded during the Miraval sessions for the "Southpaw Grammar" album Morrissey sang "is sit and think how".

⁸ In early acoustic versions of this song recorded during the Miraval sessions for the "Southpaw Grammar" album Morrissey sang "...if we didn't drink".

⁹ In early acoustic versions of this song recorded during the Miraval sessions for the "Southpaw Grammar" album Morrissey sang "we are here, your worst fear".

¹⁰ In early acoustic versions of this song recorded during the Miraval sessions for the "Southpaw Grammar" album Morrissey sang "and to fluff our brakes and to stuff our faces with cake".

¹¹ In early acoustic versions of this song recorded during the Miraval sessions for the "Southpaw Grammar" album Morrissey sang "sing us our favourite song".

¹² In early acoustic versions of this song recorded during the Miraval sessions for the "Southpaw Grammar" album Morrissey sang "schemers and dreamers all pie-eyed and cock-eyed and buzz-eyed".

¹³ In early acoustic versions of this song recorded during the Miraval sessions for the "Southpaw Grammar" album Morrissey sang "make us our favourite jam".

¹⁴ In early acoustic versions of this song recorded during the Miraval sessions for the "Southpaw Grammar" album Morrissey sang "so we, oh we can only please ourselves".

¹⁵ In early acoustic versions of this song recorded during the Miraval sessions for the "Southpaw Grammar" album Morrissey sang "call us home, comb my hair".

¹⁶ In early acoustic versions of this song recorded during the Miraval sessions for the "Southpaw Grammar" album Morrissey sang "hug us hard, wave us off".

¹⁷ In early acoustic versions of this song recorded during the Miraval sessions for the "Southpaw Grammar" album Morrissey sang "we're all yours, we're always yours".