These words are transcribed without permission the way they appear in the "Meat Is Murder" album. Additions to the printed lyrics are in darker text while omissions are striken out.

I'd like to drop my trousers to the world
I am a man of means (of slender means)
each household appliance
is like a new science in my town
and if the day came when I felt a
natural emotion
I'd get such a shock I'd probably jump ¹
in the ocean
and when a train goes by
it's such a sad sound
it's such a sad thing

I'd like to drop my trousers to the Queen
every sensible child will know what this means ²
the poor and the needy
are selfish and greedy on her terms
and if the day came when I felt a
natural emotion
I'd get such a shock I'd probably jump ¹
in the ocean
and when a train goes by
it's such a sad sound
it's such a sad thing

And when I'm lying in my bed
I think about life
and I think about death
and neither one particularly appeals to me ³
and if the day came when I felt a
natural emotion
I'd get such a shock I'd probably lie
in the middle of the street and die
I'd lie down and die

 

² In live performances of this song on the 2009 Swords Tour, Morrissey sang "every sensible child should know what this means".

³ In live performances of this song on the 2009 Swords Tour, Morrissey sang "neither one, neither one appeals to me".